I am slowly learning to stop obsessing over every little detail because no matter how hard I try, no matter how much effort I put into any given situation, it is never going to work out exactly the way I want. Something is always going to go wrong.
When the worst happens, I cannot freak out. I cannot waste time feeling sorry for myself. I have to keep moving forward. I have to search for solutions instead of dwelling on problems.
I am slowly learning to go with the flow. Even though I like to plan my days out in advance, I also have to learn how to improvise. I have to learn how to change direction when everything starts to fall apart. I cannot act overly stubborn. I cannot cling onto an idea that has been proven impractical.
If my friend becomes sick when we were supposed to go out, I have to make new plans. If it downpours when I had my heart set on visiting the beach, I have to make new plans. If someone I expected to spend forever alongside breaks my heart, I have to make new plans.
I have to constantly shift directions. I have to keep setting new plans. It is pointless to stick to the old ones once I realize they are not going to work. It is stupid to cry about the what ifs. It is better to form a new plan than to waste the day whining about the old one getting ruined.
I am slowly learning to accept my past. I cannot erase the conversations that went wrong. I cannot change the nights that ended in tears. I cannot make the old me feel better — but I can make the future me feel fulfilled. I have to focus on her, the version of me that will exist tomorrow, instead of the one that existed yesterday.
I am slowly learning that even though there are certain things I am never going to change, like my desire to follow my deepest dreams, there are going to be unexpected events along the way. Even though my end goal is not going to change, the path I take to get there might change. I might have to move to a town I never imagined or end up with someone I never pictured myself dating.
I am slowly learning to be open to more possibilities. I cannot have a narrow-minded view of my future, because things are never going to work out exactly the way I have been imagining them. There will be variations. There will be surprises.
I am slowly learning to shrug it off when my plans fail, because sometimes there wasn’t anything I could have done to change the ending anyway.
I am slowly learning to accept things are always going to go wrong, no matter how much effort I put into planning.
I am slowly learning it’s entirely up to me whether I let my disappointments destroy my confidence or whether I let them motivate me to work even harder the next time.