I miss our conversations tinged with sexual tension. I miss flirting with you. I miss touching you. I miss kissing you. But above all else, I miss having you as a friend.
I liked you as a person, not as an object, not as an almost. Even when our clothes were fully on, even when nothing exciting was brewing between us, I enjoyed spending time with you. I liked being around you. You were one of the rare people with the ability to make me happy.
Even though we used to have feelings for each other, even though everyone tells me to stay far away from you, I am tempted to rekindle our friendship. I want to be able to text you randomly throughout the week when you pop into my head. I want to be able to invite you out on weekends when I need a drinking buddy. I want to be able to talk to you instead of feeling like I’m not allowed to send a text because it breaks some kind of weird code.
I don’t want to date you. I don’t want to get back together with you. I only want to be friends again because I hate not having you around. I miss you. And I have a feeling you miss me too.
I’m not asking for much. We don’t have to hang out all the time. We don’t have to pretend the past never happened. I just don’t want to keep treating you like a stranger when you used to mean so much to me. I don’t want to pretend I have forgotten about you because that hasn’t happened yet.
I shouldn’t have to delete your name from my phone because we have a history. I shouldn’t have to erase you from my mind in order to move on.
I want to be friends, even though I know that’s probably a bad idea. We should probably stay away from each other. We should probably keep our distance.
After all, we probably wouldn’t work as just friends. We should probably choose between all or nothing. You probably don’t belong in my world anymore.
But maybe we can give this a shot anyway. Maybe there is nothing wrong with trying. Maybe you are worth the risk.
I know what other people are going to say. They are going to warn me that exes can never be friends and that breakups happened for a reason. I’m not sure whether that is the truth, but I’m willing to test the theory. To see if we can get along the way we used to without the relationship part.
I’m not saying that I want to be with you. I just miss you. It sucks that you aren’t a part of my world anymore. It sucks we had to go our separate ways once we realized we weren’t soulmates.
Maybe I’m stupid. Maybe I’m delusional. But I want to be friends with you again — even though it’s probably a horrible idea.