We used to be close. You would tell me about your crushes. You would beg your parents to sleep over my house or have me stay the night at yours. Whenever we saw each other, you were excited to give updates about what was going on in your world. We knew details about each other that nobody else knew. We never kept any secrets.
Back then, I couldn’t imagine going weeks without talking to you, but now we barely speak.
Even when we run into each other and have an actual conversation, talking to you is not easy anymore. It does not come naturally. It feels forced. It feels awkward. I don’t feel like I can come to you with my secrets the way I used to do when we were little. I don’t even think you would want to hear them.
I miss being friends with you, I miss hanging out every weekend and texting every single day, but if I invited you out for drinks tomorrow, the person I miss would not be showing up to see me. You are completely different now. I’m not saying whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing. It’s just the reality.
You grew into someone I do not recognize. Someone who does not seem to have any time left for me.
I understand that people distance themselves as they become older. Their interests change, their careers change, their friendships change. I just assumed you would be one of the people who remained in my world, regardless of how many years passed. I thought you were someone I could always count on.
I’m not blaming you for the collapse of our friendship. I’m sure I have changed too. We both grew up. We both started figuring ourselves out.
As long as you are happy, I’m happy, but it sucks knowing that we are never going to make any new inside jokes. We are never going to get drunk and stay up all night laughing. We are never going to return to the way things used to be. The past is the past. It’s not something we can bring back, even if we both wish we could. Too much has changed.
I miss being friends with you but I guess I’m going to have to enjoy our old memories because it’s obvious you are not going to be a part of my world moving forward. You are not going to invite me into your wedding party or have me babysit your future children. At this point, I don’t think you are even going to text me on my birthday or like my photos online.
I understand that life as an adult is never going to be the same as when I was little, but it sucks to know our friendship has run its course. It sucks to realize we do not fit into each other’s worlds anymore.
It breaks my heart to know we are never going to look at each other the same way again.