You will leave likes across my selfies and watch my snap stories, but when I try to continue a conversation with you over text, you refuse to answer. You pop up in my world here and there. I can never figure out when you are going to respond to me and when you are going to leave me waiting a full week. There isn’t a pattern to your behavior. You jump from acting like I’m one of your closest friends to acting like you’ve forgotten my existence.
You have been confusing the hell out of me. My friends don’t even want to hear my complaints anymore because they are always the same. Even when I think that you have changed, that things might be different this time, you prove me wrong. History repeats and I let it happen.
I know I should put an end to your games. I should leave you behind. I should decide that I deserve better and should hold out for someone who is actually going to provide what I need. I should say screw you for stringing me along for such a long time and find someone who would never hurt me, not even for a minute.
There was a time I almost did leave. When I decided that I had had enough of your mixed signals and couldn’t take it anymore. But that was the exact moment when you decided to change your tune again.
You texted me back. You invited me over. You flirted with me. You paid attention to me.
You stopped your string of disappearances and went back to being prince charming. You complimented me on my outfits, on my hair, on my personality. You got jealous whenever I mentioned another boy. You found any excuse to touch me. You made me feel breathless.
But that didn’t last for long either. You only gave me attention for a few days before returning to ghost status.
That is what you always do, so I’m not sure why I expect anything different. You flirt with me, you get my hopes up, and then you leave so they come crashing back down.
You don’t make any sense to me. I cannot wrap my head around your decisions. If you liked me, wouldn’t you stay? If you weren’t interested in me, wouldn’t you stay gone?
It would be so much easier if you were distant all the time. That way, I wouldn’t have any reason to wait for you. I would assume my feelings were one-sided. I would be able to convince myself you truly were a waste of my time.
But that’s not the case. When you are with me, you make me feel like you are slowly falling in love with me. You look at me like I’m beautiful. You listen to me like I’m important. You laugh like I am hysterical and you smile like we’re best friends. When you are actually paying attention to me, it’s the most glorious feeling in the world.
But the rest of the time, when you are ignoring me, it feels like absolute hell.