Why Did You Cut Me Out Of Your World?

I don’t understand why you walked away after everything I have done for you. After all of the arguments I let you win. After all of the tears I wiped away before you entered the room. After all of the times when I offered you forgiveness you did not deserve.

You had it good with me. You were never expected to lift a finger. You were able to have fun with your friends without worrying about any adult responsibilities because I would handle everything for you. I treated you better than I treated myself. You became my main priority. I pushed my own needs to the background in order to focus on yours.

You cut me out of your world even though I made your world easier. Even though I showered you with affection. Even though you only had to do the minimal amount in order to keep me happy.

I could have complained about how little you offered me, but I accepted our unbalanced relationship. I kept giving and giving until I had nothing left inside of me.

I cannot count the number of times you came home late with liquor on your breath or came dangerously close to crossing lines with another woman. Whenever you screwed up, even if it wasn’t the first time, I found it in myself to forgive you. I put up with more than I should have because I loved you too much to raise my standards and split.

It sucks to know I wasted so much time and energy on you when you were going to leave anyway.

But I think the reason I’m so angry about what happened is because deep down I know I should have been the one who walked away. I should have left you because you were toxic. You did not deserve my attention. You did not deserve the million chances that I gave you.

You hurt me time and time again, but I still stayed. I thought you were worth it. Every time I considered leaving you the guilt ate me alive because I (wrongly) felt like I owed you something. I felt like our history meant we should stay together, we should try to sort things out, we should fix our problems instead of run away from them.

But you finally decided to do what I had been too chicken to do. You left me. And you don’t seem sorry at all. You don’t seem like you regret your decision or like you are worried about how I am going to live without you. You seem perfectly fine. You seem like losing me doesn’t make a difference to you.

I don’t know why you cut me out of your world when I was the one who was being mistreated the entire time, but as soon as I get passed this sting of rejection, I am going to be happy about my newfound freedom. As much as I hate to admit it, you did the right thing, because we never belonged together. You belong far, far away from me.