When You Date Someone Who Doesn’t Understand Your Insecurity

I am insecure. I shake my head whenever someone calls me pretty. I come home from hair salons in tears. I erase ninety percent of photographs because I find something wrong with each one.

I do not consider myself attractive. But that is not your fault. I’m not sure why you take it personally whenever I disagree with your compliments. You act like I am being rude by ignoring your opinion and clinging onto mine, but it has nothing to do with you.

When I become upset about how there are prettier girls in the room, I am not accusing you of cheating. When I get mad about how horrible my face looks, I am not secretly saying you are failing at making me feel pretty.

It’s not your job to make me love myself. The fact that I am insecure has absolutely nothing to do with you. That’s why it’s so frustrating when you get annoyed at me for feeling like shit.

When I am having a hard time loving myself, when I throw a fit about how my makeup is a mess or how my skin keeps braking out, I don’t need you to get annoyed with me or act like I am fishing for compliments. I don’t need you to make me feel even worse about myself, like there is something wrong with me for having such low self-confidence. I don’t need more stress piled onto the way I am already feeling.

I know my self-consciousness is annoying. I know you wish I thought of myself as beautiful. I wish that, too. But it’s not the reality of the situation. No matter how much effort I put into my appearance or how hard I try not to give a shit about looks, I am still struggling to accept my reflection.

Whenever I freak out about how I cannot take a good picture or how my workouts aren’t helping me lose any weight, I don’t need you to act like I am being a bother by expressing my frustration. I need you to be there for me. I need you to make me feel like it’s okay to rant. I need you to listen to what I am saying even if you don’t understand how I see myself so differently than you see me.

I don’t want to feel like I cannot come to you when I am feeling insecure because you will get annoyed with me and the conversation will snowball into an argument. I don’t want to keep my emotions to myself out of fear you will judge me.

Around most people, I put on an act and pretend to love myself. I make jokes about how attractive I am and how I could have anyone I wanted. I convince everyone I am completely put together.

You are the only person who knows how insecure I am. I am brave enough to admit the truth to you. The least you could do is respect that. TC mark


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  • http://wildernesswell.wordpress.com charmony777

    Just wanted to point out a few things, look at it from the other person’s POV. No one likes to see someone they care about feeling bad about themselves all the time. Also, your significant other can’t be the solution to all of your problems, and if you expect them to be, you are always going to be disappointed. I sound like a mom, I know.

  • http://zapwee.com/2018/06/06/when-you-date-someone-who-doesnt-understand-your-insecurity/ When You Date Someone Who Doesn’t Understand Your Insecurity – Zapwee

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  • http://icesabel.wordpress.com Icesabel

    You know the problem. Hope you face it and work on changing for the better instead of just saying it and feeling and spreading sadness around to those who love and care for you. Also, you’ll eventually have lesser insecurities as you grow older (well, at least for the women I know of), as we grow old gracefully. If you’ve found the right partner, insecurities will not matter because they’ll love you with all the quirks and flaws. As with you, to your partner. But, you’ll have to learn to love yourself before you can love others. Good luck, babe!!! <3

    • http://actuaryjustastudent.wordpress.com Actuary just a student

      This is beautifully written! I have the same problem as Holly, it really is easier said than done to look past your own insecurities. I guess it’s the psychological torture that society has put us through and to undo that is a lengthy process.

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