My Insecurities Are Ruining My Love Life

Unsplash / Alex Iby

When someone gives signals they are interested in me, I am oblivious. I assume they are only being nice when they are flirting — and on the rare occasions when I actually admit to myself that they are flirting, I convince myself that they are only bored. That they aren’t interested in anything more than a fun night out.

I cannot imagine someone falling for me. I cannot fathom a world where a guy would choose to be with me over all of his other options. Entering a happy relationship does not sound believable. It sounds unrealistic.

My insecurities shatter my self-confidence and without any sense of self-worth I cannot bring myself to flirt. I cannot conjure up the courage to walk over to someone I find attractive and initiate a conversation with them because I assume they won’t want anything to do with me. I assume they are going to give me one-word answers until I get the hint and walk away from them.

I feel like I am not relationship material, because even when someone approaches me and makes the first move, I am awkward. I am hesitant to believe their compliments because they sound phony. I don’t see myself as beautiful, so I have trouble accepting how anyone else could.

I am the kind of person who would need reassurance that someone loves me, even if they agreed to marry me. Even if we had children together. Even if we spent a lifetime with each other.

My trust issues are extreme. I do not believe anyone will stay. I am in a constant state of paranoia that I am going to be abandoned for someone prettier, younger, livelier, sweeter. I have a fear of growing attached to anyone because I don’t want to be blindsided when they leave.

That is why I have taught myself to expect the worst. I assume people will ghost me. I assume conversations are going to go poorly. I assume flirtatious texts are never going to lead to anything serious.

My insecurities have convinced me that I am forever alone and I have accepted that fact. I have settled into a life without dates, without kisses, without cuddling. I am used to being alone. I might not be entirely happy this way, but I am comfortable.

When someone actually shows interest in dating me, I do not know how to handle myself. Sometimes I run away out of fear I will screw everything up. I will ignore texts. I will cancel plans. I will push people away because I never learned how to do the opposite.

I am at a loss when it comes to romance. I don’t know how to be sweet instead of sarcastic. I don’t know how to dress for a first date because I would rather wear sweats. I don’t know the right words to say to seduce someone or the right moves to make when I want them to know I like them too.

I am too insecure to win someone over on a date. I am too insecure to write a witty text back. I am too insecure to be myself because I am busy wishing I was anybody else. TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

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