I want to give you a second chance. I want to talk to you again. I want to have a relationship with you.
My soft heart keeps telling me that enough time has gone by for you to change. My guilt keeps pressuring me to forgive and forget. But every time I come close to letting you back into my world, you do something stupid. Something selfish. Something downright mean.
You keep proving to me why you don’t deserve another chance. You have not changed a single bit. You are still the same manipulative, vindictive person who hurt me in the past.
I don’t know why I keep fooling myself into believing that you deserve a second more of my time. I don’t know why I keep lying to myself when I have seen who you really are inside.
You have shown your true colors time and time again. You haven’t made one little mistake. You have made multiple. And you keep on making them.
I want you to know that I am riddled with guilt whenever I ignore your messages or turn down the opportunity to see you. I don’t want us to be separated like this. I want to go back to the way things used to be — but you have been making that impossible.
I cannot forgive you for what you have done in the past if you insist on doing the same things moving forward. I cannot forgive you if you are not even trying to change. If you see nothing wrong with your behavior.
I cannot give you the benefit of the doubt when you have proven you do not care about anyone other than yourself. When you have made it clear that you are not morally opposed to lying and cheating and hurting the people who care the most about you.
I know you are going to blame me for leaving since you are incapable of taking responsibility for your own actions — but it’s not my fault for walking away when I had every intention of staying. I tried so fucking hard to move past our problems. I gave you dozens of opportunities to set things right.
I forgave you for things you did not deserve to be forgiven for. I gave you chances you didn’t even know about because you were unable to see the situation clearly. You never thought I needed to forgive you for anything because you never thought you did anything wrong.
You always saw yourself as the right one. You always played the victim. You thought your life was so hard and that the world was against you, which made you feel like you had permission to treat everyone around you like crap.
I gave you a million chances, but I eventually reached a point where staying would not be nice of me. It would be stupid. It would be self-destructive.
I really wanted to keep you in my world, but you did not let that happen. You asked for this. And now you have to live with this.