I struggle with self-love. Most of the time, I allow my insecurities to roam free. I worry about my weight, my hair, my skin, my voice. I have convinced myself that I am a failure and an annoyance. I constantly question what I could be doing differently because I feel like I am always one step behind.
There are days when I cringe at my reflection because I feel like I am not pretty enough. Days when I keep quiet in conversations because I feel like I am not interesting enough. Days when I hold myself back from doing what I desperately want to do because I feel like I am not intelligent enough or talented enough or valuable enough.
It’s rare for me to think highly of myself, for me to place myself first. Most of the time I am criticizing myself, finding more and more reasons to hate myself.
I do not love myself as much as I should — but I love myself to cut you out of my world.
I know I deserve better than what you have been putting me through. Even though the voice in the back of my mind puts me through hell by insulting me and manipulating me and lying to me about how I will never accomplish anything, that does not mean you get to do the same thing.
I treat myself poorly, but you do not get to treat me poorly. You do not get to walk all over me. You do not get to have that kind of power over me.
I will accept criticism and insults from myself, but I will not accept it from anyone else. Not anymore.
I am still in the process of learning to love myself. There are so many times when I have felt like I am not moving forward at all, like I am still the same insecure person, but maybe the first step toward self-love is erasing you from my world. Maybe the first step is deciding to surround myself with people who uplift me, not with people who make me feel even worse than I already do.
I am never going to successfully learn to love myself when there are people like you around who insist on acting superior. Who act like my emotions are a burden to them. Who ignore my opinions. Who only give me attention when it is convenient for them.
You do not get to give me more reasons to hate myself. I already have enough.
You are not healthy to be around. You are toxic. You are a poison. I am not going to sit back and allow you to mess with my head, to convince me I am nothing, to lower my self-worth even further.
I might not love myself enough to walk around without makeup on or to post spontaneous selfies online without a filter — but I love myself enough to cut you out of my world. I love myself enough to raise my standards.