I Dated You Because I Didn’t Want To Be Alone

dated
Unsplash / Tim Mossholder

I’m sorry that I wasted so much of your time. Time you could have spent getting to know someone else, someone who was actually planning on sticking around and building a life alongside you.

I knew we weren’t going to last long. It was wrong of me to lead you on, to make you think we were going to create something serious, when I knew from the start you were only a temporary solution to my loneliness.

I didn’t date you because I liked you. I dated you because you liked me. Because you made me feel better about myself during a time when I hated myself. You laughed at my jokes. You listened to my stories. You called me beautiful. You made me feel like I was important.

When I was around you, I couldn’t mope about how I was going to end up alone and how no one would ever want me, because you were proof of the opposite. You showed me that I wasn’t as unlovable as I thought.

At the time, I didn’t realize what I was doing was wrong — at least, not consciously. I didn’t realize how badly I was going to hurt you in the end, because I underestimated how much you cared. I assumed our breakup would be easy on you. I thought a part of you would be relieved to get rid of me since there was never any chemistry in the first place.

But I was mistaken. We saw the same relationship in two totally different ways.

I never should have dated you because the feelings you held for me were one-sided. You were a good person. You treated me well. But there was never a spark between us. I never felt a rush of butterflies when you walked into the room, which made me feel guilty as hell, because I saw how excited you were when you saw me.

I know I hurt you, but I do not regret dumping you, because we do not belong together. The only thing I regret is dating you in the first place.

That isn’t meant to sound mean. I don’t actually want to take back the memories we shared. I’m glad we met each other. I’m glad we got to know each other. But I’m not happy about hurting you. I’m not proud of the way I stole your heart with no intention of holding it close to mine.

I’m sorry you were the person I used to feel better about myself. I’m sorry you were the only way I could think of to take the loneliness away. I’m sorry that I made you think we were on the same page when we couldn’t have been further apart.

I have a million excuses for why I hurt you — because I was insecure, lonely, and heartbroken — but none of them matter. All that matters is that I should never have done what I did. I’m sorry I put you through heartbreak you never deserved. I’m sorry I made you miserable for months to make myself feel better for a few moments. TC mark

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