I Am Tired Of Trying

Unsplash / Roberto Nickson

I feel burned out. Overwhelmed. Exhausted.

I have been trying my hardest to be the best girlfriend I can be, the best friend I can be, the best worker I can be — but it’s been difficult to reach my own standards. I feel like I have been failing myself lately. I feel like I haven’t been doing enough, like I am falling short of my own expectations.

I want to do better in every aspect of my world, but I don’t have the motivation anymore. I am too tired.

I am sick of putting so much energy into things that fail to work out. I feel like all of my effort is going to waste. I feel like some days are completely pointless. I feel like I am a failure who is falling behind and there is no way I am ever going to catch up.

I keep having doubts about whether my future is ever going to take the shape I have been imagining inside of my mind. I keep wondering whether I am reaching toward an unrealistic dream. I keep worrying about whether I am eventually going to find happiness or am always going to feel this way.

I know everyone goes through rough times. I know nothing happens overnight. I know it can take years to build something big.

But I am sick of trying. I am sick of working my ass off without getting any credit for it. I am sick of going out of my way to help others without anyone recognizing my kindness. I am sick of feeling like a failure. I am sick of the disappointment. I am sick of being let down time and time again.

Up until this point, I haven’t complained. I have done what I needed to do without making a peep. I have kept my strength up. I have fought my battles. But lately, it’s been harder to maintain that same determination. I have found it difficult to keep my faith alive.

There are days when I wonder whether I should give up, whether I should remain in bed, whether I should decide there is no point in trying anymore and settle for average.

But whenever those days come, I push past them. I tell myself to keep going, even if it feels like nothing is going to come from my hard work. I remind myself that I owe it to myself to try. Nothing is going to get handed to me. At least if I am actively reaching for my goals, I have a higher chance of getting what I want.

I cannot give up on my dreams. I cannot give up on myself.

Even if I am moving forward an inch at a time, it’s better than remaining in place for the rest of my life. I have to force myself to continue. I have to continue exerting effort because the alternative is not an option.

I might be sick of trying — but that doesn’t mean I am ever going to stop. TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

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