I always talk about how I am never going to settle for a relationship where I am treated poorly or chase after someone who plays hard to get.
But I do not always follow through on those promises.
There are moments where I can feel myself falling for someone who is already in a relationship or someone who clearly has no interest in entering a relationship.
There are nights where I keep glancing back at my phone, waiting for a certain text to come through, even though I promised I would not do that to myself again.
There are days when I keep my schedule clear just in case the person I have been casually talking to decides that they want to see me at the last second.
There are times when I find myself stuck in another almost relationship, even though I swore I was not going to deal with mixed messages again and was going to hold out for someone who wanted something serious.
I am trying to keep my standards high, but I am having trouble because I have never had the best taste. I have a habit of falling for the wrong people. People who underestimate my worth. People who could not care less about responding to my texts or showing up on time.
I act like my standards are high, like I am the pickiest person in the world, but in reality it does not take all that much to make me happy. My expectations are relatively low.
I want someone who texts back in a reasonable amount of time, someone who takes me on cute dates, someone who calls me pretty, someone who pays attention to me and not only when they are drunk.
Since I have set the bar so low, it’s common for me to let the wrong people into my world. People who try to get away with putting in the minimum effort.
I am trying to work on keeping my standards high to avoid having my heart broken again in the future, but I know there are going to be setbacks. I know there are going to be more toxic relationships headed my way.
Even though I am hoping to find a relationship that brings me more happiness than I have ever dreamed, I am not going to keep blaming myself for falling for the wrong people. I am allowed to make mistakes when it comes to dating. I am allowed to let my heart lead me astray.
I am no longer going to be ashamed of saying the relationship didn’t work out, because I cannot control who I fall for — but I can control how long I stick around. I can control whether I continue letting someone walk all over me or whether I walk away before they have a chance to hurt me even worse.
My standards might not be the highest, I might not always date the best people, but at least I am putting myself out there. At least I am brave enough to search for love.