I Am Slowly Learning To Live Without Baggage

baggage
Unsplash / Joey Nicotra

I am slowly learning how to love. Instead of assuming someone is going to hurt me, I am giving them the benefit of the doubt. I am training my brain to behave more positively. I am swiveling from a skeptic to a romantic, from a pessimist to an optimist. I am seeing the best in others instead of expecting the worst. I am letting myself hope again.

I am slowly learning how to feel. I have stopped enjoying the numbness, the deadness. From now on, I am releasing my emotions. I am speaking my mind. I am allowing myself to fall for people, even if they are the wrong people, because it is better than feeling nothing at all.

I am slowly learning how to trust. I am making the decision to believe the words that enter my ears instead of doubting whether they are lies. I am choosing to be more trusting, more unsuspecting. I am not letting my paranoia take control. I am not letting my insecurities convince me I am unlovable and deserve to remain alone.

I am slowly learning to let my guard down. I am acting authentic instead of dancing around the truth, telling little white lies, and dodging touchy subjects in order to remain mysterious. I am not pushing others away anymore. I am allowing them access to my mind and my heart. I am taking risks I used to avoid.

I am slowly learning to have faith that others will stay. I am not allowing my abandonment issues to turn me into someone overly clingy — or the opposite, I am not allowing them to turn me into someone who pulls away to avoid growing attached. I am learning to live in the moment and cherish it for what it contains. I have decided to enjoy the company around me, even if there is a chance they will eventually leave.

I am slowly learning to ease my jealousy. I am not comparing myself to every other person who enters my eyesight. I am not judging myself based on those around me. I have stopped hating myself for being ‘uglier’ than certain friends and famous celebrities and am focusing on finding the beautiful qualities within myself.

I am slowly learning to truthfully say I am enough. I deserve love. I deserve happiness. I deserve all of the things I used to believe were out of my reach. I have stopped being an enemy to myself. I have stopped doubting my worth. I have stopped wondering whether I should settle.

I am slowly learning to live without baggage. I have been hurt so many times in the past that I almost stopped loving because I never wanted to go through the pain again. I wanted to isolate myself. I wanted to protect my heart. But now I realize that plan was foolish. There is no stopping love — so I might as well embrace it with open arms. I might as well give relationships another shot. TC mark

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