I am slowly learning that I don’t give myself enough credit. I am my own biggest critic. No matter how much I accomplish in a day, in a week, in a year, I still feel like I haven’t done enough. I still feel like I am falling behind.
Even when I succeed in something, I become awkward whenever someone congratulates me on it. I act like it isn’t a big deal, because I feel like I do not deserve any praise.
Because of my self-deprecating ways, I think some people are under the impression that everything I have came easily to me, that it arrived overnight without me having to lift a finger, which is the opposite of the truth.
I work my ass off. I put effort into every single thing I do. I am not half-assing anything. I am not letting myself act lazy. I work my hardest every single day. I do not take breaks often. I keep going. I keep fighting.
That is the reason why I rarely have time to see my friends. That is the reason why I never get enough sleep. And that is the reason why I have gotten where I am today.
I am slowly learning that — although it upsets me when people assume my world is easy — it doesn’t matter whether anyone else sees how much heart and soul I am putting into my passions. It doesn’t matter if they applaud my work. I do not need their validation. I need to start impressing myself.
I am slowly learning to give myself more credit because even if I cannot see any progress yet, the fact that I am continuing to go without results proves how dedicated I am. It shows that I am a warrior. I am not going to give up on myself. I am going to succeed, even if I suffer fifty failures beforehand.
After all, I am not chasing my dreams for anyone else. I am doing it selfishly, to reach personal fulfillment. And since I am doing all of this for myself, I should start recognizing how much work I have been putting in. I should be kinder to myself.
I am slowly learning to give myself more credit because what I have accomplished is impressive. It is worth celebrating. I do not have to keep my excitement inside. I do not have to sell myself short when I should know my self-worth.
I am allowed to be happy about what I have earned, even if I feel like I should be further ahead by now. I am allowed to brag about what I have accomplished, even if that makes me sound cocky and conceited. I am allowed to be happy for myself, because I have spent so damn long feeling miserable and hating myself.
I am allowed to be proud of myself for a change. I am allowed to cherish this moment where I don’t feel like a lazy piece of shit because I’m not sure how long it is going to last.