I am slowly learning good guys are not perfect guys. Perfection does not exist — not within any person or any relationship. There are always going to be flaws, places that need to be worked upon, insecurities that need to be acknowledged.
I am slowly learning even the ‘good guys’ are going to make mistakes. There are going to be times when they screw up. When they say the wrong thing. When they play the wrong card. They are not going to get everything right and they are not going to be mind readers. They are going to have moments of confusion like anybody else does.
I am slowly learning it is unrealistic to expect someone to treat me like a princess at all times. Even in the most golden relationship, there are going to be days when he has nothing to say, when he doesn’t want to talk about what’s been bothering him, when he snaps for no reason, when he wants his space so he can cool himself down.
It doesn’t matter how good he is. He cannot be happy 24/7. He cannot be in a constant state of romancing me. He might make me the center of his world, but I am not his entire world.
I am slowly learning I have to be self-aware enough to step back and see whether someone is a good guy going through a rough time or a toxic guy that I am mistaking as good. Sometimes it’s easy to confuse the two. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell the difference because we so desperately want a toxic guy to be good, we want him to be misunderstood, we want him to be the right one.
I am slowly learning to look at the big picture as opposed to the individual days. If someone goes missing for a few hours while they deal with their own personal demons, but treats me as their first priority the rest of the time, then they might deserve the benefit of the doubt.
But if it is not the first time I am being mistreated, if ignoring me and abusing me becomes a habit, then that person is probably toxic. They are probably a bad boy in disguise who doesn’t deserve a second more of my time.
I am slowly learning to keep my standards high — while also remembering to be realistic. No one has permission to push me around and make me feel like shit, but I cannot expect anyone to be on their best behavior all of the time either. I cannot expect them to always be on, ready to make my day a better one.
I am slowly learning to manage my expectations. I am slowly learning that if I am allowed to have days where I want to be left alone, days where it feels like the world is against me, days where I am moody for seemingly no reason, then my boyfriend is also allowed to have those days. I cannot be a hypocrite. I cannot expect him to provide more than I am able to give myself.