There have been times when I felt like I was on the verge of dating someone but then the relationship fell through for one reason or another. I am always this close to having a boyfriend, but it never ends up happening. I keep getting disappointed. I keep having to tell my friends never mind, this guy was a waste of time too.
Even though I have my fair share of insecurities, I know I am not unworthy of love. I have flirted with boys before. Boys who originally seemed interested in me — but only for a few weeks or maybe only for that night.
I don’t understand why my attempts at relationships never last long. I cannot figure out why boys will flirt with me, but will never actually agree to date me.
History keeps repeating itself. I will meet someone attractive. They will call me pretty and ask for my number and text back and forth with me. They will get my hopes up, making me think they are interested in a real relationship. Then they will slowly fade out from my world. They will stop texting back fast and then they will stop texting completely.
Other times, I won’t even be that lucky. I will flirt with someone I happen to meet in person, feel like our chemistry is off the charts, and then we will part ways without exchanging contact information. I will never see them again and will be stuck wondering what could have happened if we would have taken that extra step.
I’m not sure what I have been doing wrong. I’m not sure why boys consider me good enough to flirt with over text and then fail to meet up with me even though they were giving me a million signs they liked me back. Or why they will flirt with me one drunken night and then never contact me again.
No matter what I do, I cannot get a boyfriend and even though I realize relationships aren’t everything it’s still driving me insane.
It’s not like I have never been hit on before. Boys have approached me. Boys have asked for my number. Boys have kissed me and held my hand and asked me to dance. There are people who have been interested — but for some reason, they never stay interested for long.
I have begun to question every move that I make. I’m not sure whether I come on too strong or not strong enough. Whether I am too intense or too average. Too sweet or too sarcastic. Too quiet or too loud. Too much or too little.
I wish I knew what compelled boys to flirt with me, but then forced them away before they got the chance to get to know me better. I wish I knew whether it was my personality or my looks or a combination of the two that repelled them.
Most of all, I wish I didn’t give a fuck. I wish being single didn’t bother me this much.