1. Almost relationships.
I had my heart broken by someone I never even dated. Someone I thought cared about me. Someone I thought wanted the same things I wanted.
I texted them in the morning. I invited them over to my apartment. I allowed myself to be vulnerable in front of them. I showed them sides of myself that I usually keep hidden from the rest of the world because I was under the impression I could trust them.
When we first met, I thought they were going to be my forever person, but they turned into another reason for me to doubt my self-worth.
2. One-sided relationships.
I have sacrificed a lot for certain people. I went out of my way for them. I rearranged my schedule to make time to see them. I made them a priority during a time when I didn’t even consider myself a priority.
I stressed myself out trying to take care of them while neglecting myself, and in the end, I felt taken for granted. Resented. I realized that I was giving every little sliver of myself to them and getting close to nothing in return.
It was hypocritical of them to have higher expectations for me than they had for themselves, but I shouldn’t have settled for their treatment. I should have known I deserved more.
3. Toxic relationships.
I have been controlled. Manipulated. Lied to and led on.
I have trusted people who ended up showing me their true colors. People who made it clear they only cared about themselves.
Instead of hating them for what they did to me, I spent way too much time hating myself. Assuming I deserved what they did to me. Feeling like I was not good enough. They gave me baggage I am still carrying around to this day.
4. Casual relationships.
I gave someone what they wanted from me without asking for anything in return. I let them have complete access to my body because I convinced myself that if they spent enough time around me then they would change their mind about me. They would want to date me. They would want something more than sex.
But I was wrong. I was only fooling myself. Instead of making them like me more, it only made me like them more. It made me grow even more attached, which meant that it hurt more in the end when I had to let them go.
5. Relationships that only exist over text.
I have spent hours texting back and forth with someone. Getting to know someone. Creating inside jokes with someone.
I assumed the next logical step would be for us to spend time in person — but that never ended up happening. The relationship began and ended through the phone.
I never got to test our chemistry face-to-face. I never got to see what it was like to kiss them. I never got the relationship I assumed was in the process of blossoming.