10 Ways A Toxic Relationship Made Me Love Myself Less

toxic relationship
Unsplash / Frank Busch

1. You made me feel annoying. You would allow your thoughts to drift away whenever I tried to talk to you. You never listened. You took forever to answer my texts. I felt like a burden every time I opened my mouth to speak, every time I expressed an emotion, every time I asked whether you were free to see me again.

2. You made me feel lonely. You never texted me in the morning. You never complained about how much you missed me. Even when we were in the same room together, there were times when it felt like you were a million miles away.

3. You made me feel worthless. You acted like you didn’t want me around. You acted like I was lucky you would deal with me when I had so many issues. You acted like you could have done so much better but were doing me a favor by staying.

4. You made me feel ugly. You used me for sex — but other than that, you never gave any indication you were attracted to me. You never called me beautiful or complimented my outfits or noticed when I changed my hair. You never introduced me to your parents or bragged to your friends about me. You never made me feel special.

5. You made me feel clingy. You left my messages unread, so I double texted. You failed to clear your schedule for date nights, so I had to rearrange mine. You never told me what you were thinking, so I had to pull answers out of you. I had to chase you, even though you were already supposed to be mine.

6. You made me feel paranoid. I was jealous of every female friend you had. I was tempted to scroll through your texts and dig through your laptop. I was worried you were going to cheat on me because you never hid your attraction to other women. I felt like you would abandon me at any moment.

7. You made me feel stupid. You would argue with every opinion I gave. You would talk down to me, as if you knew everything. Whenever I would say something you considered ‘right’, you would act surprised, as if you could not believe that there was any semblance of intelligence hidden beneath my skin.

8. You made me feel embarrassed. I was too embarrassed to tell my parents stories about you, because they made you look bad. I was too embarrassed to tell you how I was secretly feeling, because I knew you would never understand. I was too embarrassed to post the truth about our relationship online, because I knew everyone would warn me to break up with you.

9. You made me feel trapped. For a while, I knew that you were not right for me, but I stayed, because I had grown attached to you. I felt like I was not allowed to leave you, because you had a strange power over me.

10. You made me feel unlovable. You never gave me the love I deserved. Or the respect I deserved. Or the attention or the affection or the adoration I deserved. You treated me horribly — which is why I finally decided to walk away. TC mark

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