Some people don’t make sense together and that is okay. I should brush off my heartbreak. I should remind myself there are other fish in the sea and I deserve better and a million other cliches — but watching you walk away from me hurt.
Losing you wasn’t even the worst part. The worst was finding out that after spending so much time with you, after texting you 24 hours of the day and falling head over heels for you and then hearing that you weren’t ready for a relationship, you decided to date the girl who came after me.
There was barely any time between when you left me and when you got together with her, so timing must not have been an issue. When you told me you weren’t ready for a relationship, you were lying. You were ready for love. You just hadn’t found the right girl yet.
It hurts to know that the entire time we spent together was a waste. I thought that if I stuck around for long enough you would change your mind about dating. I thought you would eventually be ready for a relationship with me as long as I remained patient and didn’t push you too hard.
Apparently I was wrong. I completely misread the situation. If there were signs you didn’t care about me as much as I cared about you, I missed them all. I must have been blinded by my feelings. I must have only seen what I wanted to see.
I know it’s unhealthy to compare myself to your new love but I keep wondering what happened between the two of you. How did you get together? When did you know you wanted to make her your official girlfriend? Were you texting her the same nights you were texting me? Was it hard to choose between the two of us or was there never any competition at all?
I always thought we worked well together, and now that I know you were ready for a relationship from the start, I cannot figure out why you didn’t want to date me. I made you laugh. I made you feel comfortable. You said you were attracted to me and that you had fun whenever you were around me — so what drew you to her instead?
I wonder whether you found her more attractive or whether you had deeper conversations with her of whether you simply had more in common. I wonder what I was lacking. I wonder what made her more appealing in your eyes.
When you turned me down because you weren’t ready for a relationship, I didn’t think I could be more heartbroken. But it hurts even more now that I know you were ready all along because that means you chose not to date me because you didn’t want to date me. It means the connection I thought we had was all in my head. It means I was an idiot for falling for you and thinking you were falling too.