The Worst Parts Of Dating Girls With Anxiety

A girl with anxiety
Unsplash / Spencer Dahl

There are times when I accidentally confuse my boyfriend because I come across as fickle. In the morning, I might talk about how I want to spend the night out, about how I cannot wait to take shots and see friends and have the time of our lives. But after a few hours go by, I might change my mind. I might decide I would rather spend the night inside, on the couch, in our pajamas. I have to be in the right mood to socialize. I can lose my energy in a heartbeat. I can change my mind in an instant.

I accidentally push my boyfriend away, because when something is bothering me, I keep the pain locked up inside. The problem is that my boyfriend still notices something is wrong because I am acting too quiet. Because I am giving short answers. Because I am not acting like myself. Sometimes he gets frustrated about having to pull the truth out of me — but the reason I am so difficult is because I don’t want to bother him. I want to keep my complaints to myself because I know how psychotic they sound. I know I am getting upset over something ridiculous and don’t want him to judge me (even though I know he never would).

My anxiety makes me overly insecure. No amount of compliments from my boyfriend will convince me that I look good that day. I will still criticize my own appearance. I will still get jealous of other girls who enter the room. I will still doubt my own worth. My self-consciousness can drive him crazy because he doesn’t understand how I could look in the mirror and hate myself. He wants me to see what he sees. Someone pretty. Someone perfect. It bothers him when I use the word ugly and delete pictures of myself, but I cannot help myself. It’s the way my brain is wired.

There are countless times when I get jealous — not only of the women I wrongly view as my competition, but of my boyfriend. Of how easy it is for him to talk to everyone. Of how he doesn’t seem to have a care in the world. Sometimes I will snap at him without meaning to because I get frustrated about how I will never be able to socialize so easily, because I wish I was better, because he deserves better.

My anxiety causes me to overthink when there is no reason to worry. I will get upset about something I think my boyfriend did, even though it never actually happened. I will become upset about fake arguments I had inside of my head and assume my boyfriend is growing bored of dealing with me, even though he expresses his love every single day. I will make up problems in my head. I will cause drama when everything was going fine.

I feel like my anxiety makes me difficult to handle — but somehow, my boyfriend still makes me feel like I am easy to love. Like I am worthy of that love. Like I am never going to lose that love. TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

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