Maybe I’m Not Picky Enough

Maybe I look past red flags when they are waving directly in front of my face because I am in love with the idea of falling in love. Maybe I distribute second chances like candy because I’m terrified of being left alone again. Maybe I put other people on pedestals because it’s easier to love another than to learn how to love myself.

Maybe I have been settling for the wrong people because I have been overeager to enter a relationship. Maybe I call myself confident but have a lower self-worth than I would ever admit. Maybe I cling onto people who are toxic because the thought of anyone having feelings for me is exciting enough to convince me to want them back.

Maybe I need to raise my standards considering I call it cute when someone texts me first or likes one of my photos online, because to me, the minimum amount of effort feels like the maximum amount. Maybe I should hold out for someone who goes the extra mile by planning dates a week prior and surprising me with my favorite ice cream when he stops over for a few hours instead of settling for the first person who offers a smile.

Maybe I have been chasing after the wrong people because I was under the impression that love is supposed to be difficult, that modern dating and mixed signals were meant to go hand-in-hand. Maybe I have a twisted view of what it means to be someone’s girlfriend because I have grown accustomed to being a backup plan, an almost, a not-enough. Maybe my expectations are much lower than they should be because I have a history of pursuing toxic people and have never been treated with the kindness I deserve.

Maybe I have had my heart broken so many times because I refused to see situations clearly. Maybe I have pretended relationships were better than the reality because I wanted to feel loved, because I wanted to feel accomplished, because I wanted to feel like I had found my person and could stop looking. Maybe I forced myself to love certain people instead of falling in love naturally.

Maybe I should be more careful about who I allow into my world to avoid getting led on once more. Maybe I should listen to what my head is saying instead of ignoring it and blindly following my heart. Maybe I should reevaluate what I want from a relationship because I have clearly been searching for the wrong things lately. Maybe I should take a step back and give myself the chance to breathe before jumping headfirst into a new love story.

Maybe I am not picky enough and that is the reason why I keep getting my heart shredded. Maybe I should remain guarded until I find someone who actually wants to see me with my walls down. Maybe I should hold off on dating for a while, because right now, there is not anyone around who is offering me all that I deserve. Maybe, in this moment, the only person I need is myself. TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

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