It’s May 31 And I Still Want Nothing To Do With You

You keep trying to contact me. You keep trying to apologize. You keep making moves to bring me back — but that is never going to happen.

I guess you think walking away was some sort of phase, but I am not going to change my mind about cutting you out of my world. This is not a temporary situation. You are not going to get a surprise call from me one morning and an invite to catch up about everything we’ve missed.

As much as you want me to magically forget all of the horrible words you have said to me, they are ingrained in my mind. I will remember them forever.

You can give me as many meaningless apologies as you want, but you cannot take back the way you made me feel. You cannot make up for what you put me through.

In case you haven’t realized this yet, things between us are not going to return to ‘normal.’ This is the new normal. From now on, this is the way it is going to be between us.

I am going to ignore your texts. I am going to block you from social media. I am going to turn the other way when we see each other in public.

I am not going to play nice. I am not going to give you one more chance. I am done. I have been done for a long time.

It’s only May 31st and I already feel a million times better without you dragging me down to your level. There is a calmness inside me. A peacefulness that never existed when you were hovering nearby.

It hasn’t been too long since we have spoken, but I cannot remember the last nice thing you said to me. Our most recent conversations were screaming matches. Why would I want to talk to you again when I know the gist of what you are going to say? You are going to blame me for walking away. You are going to act like I had no right to hurt you. You are not going to take any responsibility for your actions because you are incapable of feeling guilt or empathy.

It doesn’t matter how many months fall from the calendar. In August, I will want nothing to do with you. In December, I will want nothing to do with you. Next May, I will want nothing to do with you. This is a constant. 

I am not being stubborn. I am not holding onto a grudge. A part of me actually forgives you — or at least feels pity for you.

The reason you have been removed from my world is because you make life more difficult and I have no time for burdens.

I am too smart to believe your lies. I am too brave to watch you walk over me. I love myself too much to settle for your games.

I’m sorry if you haven’t come to terms with my absence yet, but you have to get used to me being gone. I am never coming back.