I Played Hard To Get

hard to get
God & Man

I wanted to tell you how I felt about you, but I kept quiet. I only complimented you once in a while instead of gushing over how good you looked every single time I saw you. I made sure I came across as interested, but not clingy. I was afraid of coming on too strong. I didn’t want to scare you away.

The second you texted me, I came up with a reply, but I forced myself to wait before pressing send. I didn’t want you to think I sat around all day, waiting for your name to pop onto my phone. I didn’t want to seem too eager. I was worried you would get freaked out if my messages came through two seconds later. So I held myself back in an attempt to come across as casual. As laid-back. As down to earth.

Whenever I saw a selfie of yours on Instagram, I would debate whether or not to leave a comment or a like. I didn’t want to give you too much attention. I didn’t want to look like I was actively stalking your page. I made sure to monitor how many times I interacted with your posts so that I didn’t suffocate you. So you would think of my attention as a treat instead of a guarantee.

Then there were the times when you wanted to hang out with me. Whenever you asked me about my availability, I was dying to tell you I would meet up with you whenever you wanted, but I acted like I was only free on certain days. Like I had a busy life. Like you weren’t my main priority. I wanted to seem well-rounded. I wanted you to think my weekends were filled with friends and my weekdays were filled with work. I wanted to impress you — but I failed miserably.

I turned our conversations into a game. I wanted to seem like the person who cared less. I’m not sure why I thought that would help me win your heart, but I guess it was because I have spilled my heart open before and I got screwed over for it, so I decided to take the opposite approach for a change.

I wouldn’t let myself like too many of your pictures in a row. I wouldn’t let myself text back too quickly. I wouldn’t let myself chase after you.

I hate mixed signals, but I thought sending them would help me get you — and I would have done anything to get you. I was ready to do whatever it took. But it turns out, I took the wrong approach, because I didn’t end up getting the only thing I wanted.

Instead of coming across as laid-back, it looked like I didn’t have any interest in you. You moved on from me, because I didn’t try hard enough for you. Because I was never authentic with you. Because I insisted on playing gmes instead of just being straightforward with you. TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

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