I am slowly learning that some people prefer misery. They want you around to complain with them. They want you to suffer in the same ways they have to feel less alone. And once you create a stable future for yourself, once you land your dream job or earn your degree or settle down with the love of your life, they feel betrayed. They feel like you are no longer on the same page.
They get angry with you whenever you talk about your life because they feel like you are bragging. But when you have something to complain about and come to them, they still get angry with you because they feel like you have it much better than them and have no reason to complain.
Having a conversation with them becomes impossible. You cannot share any news because you are worried they are going to take it the wrong way. You censor yourself to avoid hurting their feelings. You feel like you don’t have permission to be happy — even though you have fought so hard to climb out of the depression you were stuck in for years.
I am slowly learning the people who I consider closest to me are not always going to give me the reaction I was expecting. Friends are not always going to be happy for me when I succeed. Family members are not always going to be impressed by my accomplishments.
Sometimes, their responses will disappoint me. Sometimes, they will not be excited about everything I have earned because they are jealous, because they feel like I don’t deserve it, or because they only care about themselves and couldn’t care less about what I do with my life. Sometimes, I will feel like all of my hard work is going by unseen and unrecognized.
That is why I have to stop caring about what other people think of me. I can only care about my own happiness. When I reach a milestone, I am not going to get overly excited about posting pictures on Instagram or calling my ‘friends’ with the news. I am going to be more excited about existing in the moment, about patting myself on the back.
I am slowly learning that if I keep searching for outside validation, then I am never going to feel like I have made it, because no one is going to show up with balloons and a congratulations speech. Some people will actually end up liking me less. Some people will decide to stop talking to me because I no longer serve the same purpose.
I am slowly learning some people only want you around when you are at rock bottom because then they feel like they aren’t the only ones suffering. They want to go though hell with you. They want to self-destruct alongside you. They don’t want anything to do with you after you reach success. Once you are doing pretty damn well for yourself, they are not happy for you, which is why you have to be happy for yourself.