Dating Me Is A Mistake

mistake
God & Man

Dating me is a mistake because I am not used to committed relationships. I am used to being strung along for months and then tossed to the side without a warning. I have no idea how to be a caring, loving girlfriend because I haven’t had any practice. Most guys I have been with expected me to keep my feelings to myself so I learned how to act emotionless. I learned how to turn off the part of me that reaches for hugs and gives unexpected compliments. I can come across as cold even when you mean the world to me.

Dating me is a mistake because I detach easily. I assume people will grow bored of me so I prepare myself for the worst. I tell myself no one is going to stick around for long. I remind myself they are going to walk away eventually, even if they swear they are staying put. I have a hard time accepting happiness. Even when things are going well I will assume it’s only a matter of time until everything erupts. I am a pessimist but I call myself a realist. I feel like anyone who believes in fairy tales and happy endings isn’t living in the real world.

Dating me is a mistake because I have a shit-ton of baggage. No matter how well you treat me, I will find a reason to distrust you. I am a skeptic. I am cynical. I don’t believe in love at first sight or in everlasting marriages. I am the kind of person who laughs at romance movies because I cannot take them seriously.

Dating me is a mistake because I have a short temper. Even though I act like nothing bothers me, I am soft on the inside. I take things personally. If you hurt my feelings then I will cut you out of my world completely. I won’t give you a chance to explain yourself because in my mind I feel like I know exactly why you did what you did. I think I have all the answers, even though I can barely figure myself out.

Dating me is a mistake because I am uncomfortable with affection. I will not know how to respond to your compliments. I will not know how to comfort you when you cry. I will not know what the hell I am doing or why you have chosen to be with me of all people.

Dating me is a mistake because I cannot promise not to hurt you. I probably will hurt you. I will accidentally say the wrong thing. I will go places without even thinking about inviting you. Important dates will slip my mind. I will disappoint you. I will fuck everything up somehow.

Dating me is a mistake because I get scared easily. I will grow afraid that I will ruin the best thing that ever happened to me, but instead of telling you that, I will run away. I will hurt you before you have the chance to hurt me. TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

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