You always follow the same pattern. You will text me nonstop. Invite me over to your place. Tell me how much you love talking to me. Then, as soon as I’ve grown attached to you, you will leave. You will drop off the face of the planet with zero warning or explanation.
For days (or weeks or even months) at a time, you won’t answer your texts. You will become invisible. I will have no way of reaching you. You will become a stranger to me.
When you come back, you won’t even apologize. Most of the time, you won’t even acknowledge the fact that you left in the first place. You will just waltz back into my world as if you never left. You expect to pick up right where you left off — but that is not going to keep happening.
I can’t trust someone like you, because you are unreliable. I never know whether you are going to answer your messages after two minutes or two months. I never know whether you are going to invite me out over the weekend or ignore my existence. I never have any idea what you are thinking because your emotions are all over the place. You do one thing and then another.
I can’t read your mind because your mixed signals are so confusing and it’s not like you actually open up to me about the way you are feeling. There are times when you’ll admit that you miss me and you like hanging out with me, but you never reveal the reasons behind your disappearing act. You never tell me where you go or who you’re with or what the hell you’re thinking. I have to create my own rationalizations in order to keep from hating you. And lately, I’m sick of making excuses for you.
Every time I think it might be different, that you might actually stick around this time, history repeats itself. No matter how long you stay, no matter how close we become, you always end up leaving. You always end up hurting my heart.
You can’t keep rotating in and out of my life whenever you feel like it. You have to make a decision. You can either be there for me all of the time or none of the time. You don’t get to hover at the halfway mark. You aren’t allowed to treat me well only sometimes. That’s not the way relationships work.
I’m sick of guessing how much longer until you leave again. I can’t be with someone who keeps me trapped in a constant state of paranoia, who makes me wonder whether I am doing enough to convince them to stay.
I need someone who is going to answer every text I send, not pick and choose them based on convenience. I need someone who follows through on promises and keeps their word, even when it’s inconvenient. Someone who I am confident I can trust to stay loyal — and to just stay.