If you were still alive, we wouldn’t be settling for texts or even phone calls. You would be knocking on my front door, waiting for me to invite you inside and hand you a drink. You would greet me with a hug. You would greet me with a compliment. You would greet me with that voice that I keep trying to replay in my mind because the last thing I want is for it to disappear from my memory.
If you were still alive, we would have a million things to talk about. You would grill me about my dating life, about my career, about the success I have somehow reached. You would tell me how proud you were of everything I have accomplished so far and you would remind me to keep my chin up because there are much better things waiting for me in the future. You would be my biggest motivator, my strongest supporter.
If you were still alive, we would be having the best time. You would be making me laugh until my stomach clenched. You would be making me smile so wide that my cheeks burned. You would make my entire week, just by spending a few hours alongside me. You would remind me of what it’s like to feel okay again. You would give me a reason to look forward to birthdays and holiday parties because I would be able to see you.
If you were still alive, we would have made a million more memories together. We would have danced together at weddings. We would have sang together in the car. We would have shared stories and swapped secrets. We would have been there for each other, always, no exceptions.
If you were still alive, we would have helped each other through the darkest times. You would have found a way to cheer me up when I was crawling toward the edge of a cliff. You would have been there to give me your words of advice, even if you knew I was too stubborn to listen. You would have made it easier to get through the worst moments of my life, which is ironic, because your death was definitely the worst moment of my life.
If you were still alive, we would have formed an even stronger bond. You would have watched me reach milestones. You would have celebrated every step alongside me. You would have been in the front row, reminding me that I was never alone. You would have pushed me to reach success because you would have never given up on me.
If you were still alive, we would have spent so much more time together, but you’re gone and I’m lucky to have precious memories to hold me over. I’m lucky that you were in my world for even the smallest taste of time. I’m lucky I am able to say that I knew someone as beautiful as you.