I Still Believe In Beauty After Experiencing So Much Pain

A woman admiring beauty
Unsplash / Zohre Nemati

It’s not easy for me to trust someone after being betrayed before. It’s not easy for me to believe someone is going to stay after being abandoned before. It’s not easy for me to love after being heartbroken before.

Despite all of the hardships I have suffered through, I am not going to allow the pain of my past to negatively impact my future. I am not going to let fear overshadow my desire to enter a loving, committed relationship. I am not going to hover inside of my comfort zone when I am unhappy and isolated there.

I am going to take a risk by letting myself love again, because staying at home and stewing in my loneliness is a different kind of risk. One that I am unwilling to take.

It has been hard for me to let my guard down when there is a piece of my mind warning me that I am better off alone, but I cannot live my life expecting to get hurt. I cannot let my skepticism overrule my faith that I will someday find my soulmate.

I still believe people are capable of remaining loyal for a lifetime even though I have been cheated on before. I still believe people are capable of keeping their promises even though I have seen them broken a million times. I still believe people are capable of good things even though I have witnessed so many bad things in the past.

History does not have to repeat itself. Falling in love is not necessarily going to lead to heartbreak. There is always a chance it will lead toward my final happily ever after. I cannot give up hope of finding my person. I won’t let myself become cold and bitter because my love story has taken longer to unfold than I would have liked.

I am going to keep searching for someone who understands me. I am going to keep opening my heart up to others. I am going to keep putting myself out there even on the days when it feels pointless to try.

I am not naturally trusting. My first instinct is to look for lies hidden in stories, to keep my eyes open for red flags and warning signs. When I enter a relationship, it’s not easy for me to take the other person’s words at face value. I am choosing to trust the other person. I am making a daily decision to think positive even though it’s so much easier to let negativity prevail.

I don’t want to be the kind of person who focuses on the worst in others, who never gives anyone a chance, who assumes the world is a horrible place filled with heartless souls. I want to be the kind of person who sees the beauty in others, who takes a chance on love, who refuses to let the past interfere with the future.

I have been hurt before but that doesn’t mean I’m going to get hurt again. I have to keep telling myself that. TC mark

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