I wonder whether the reason I keep ending up in one-sided relationships is because of me. I will answer texts in the middle of the night, even if you ignored the last few messages that I sent. I will rearrange my schedule to see you. I will cancel plans to see you. I will drive miles to see you.
When I have strong feelings for you, I will make you a priority. I will drop anything for you. I will be there for you whenever you need me.
I have never seen the point of playing games. I would never want to make someone I care about feel worthless by sending mixed signals or acting distant. I want you to feel loved. I want you to know how much I care.
That is why I say yes whenever I’m asked a favor and sorry whenever even the smallest thing goes wrong. I want to spread happiness. I want to make sure you feel safe and secure around me. I never want you to doubt whether I am going to leave. I want you to feel confident I am going to stay and I am going to fight for you.
Of course, sometimes I feel like I’m too nice. Too lenient. Too forgiving. I let myself get walked over because I’m scared of speaking my mind and being left alone again.
I keep ending up in one-sided relationships because I give much more than I expect to receive in return. I never ask for anything. I am not greedy. I am happy with a small amount of affection.
I don’t mind doing all of the work in a relationship. I will send the first text. I will plan the dates. I will remember birthdays and anniversaries so you don’t have to do it yourself. All I want in return is appreciation. A thank you. That would be enough to satisfy me.
I am a giver. I give the benefit of the doubt. I give second chances. I give all of my attention to the person who holds my heart and in the end I get screwed over anyway.
People walk away from me even though I did everything for them. Even though I asked for so little in return. No one ever appreciates how much effort I put into relationships. They don’t seem to notice how much energy I waste on them because they aren’t paying close enough attention. Or maybe they just don’t care.
Maybe I should be more demanding. Maybe I should ask for more. Maybe I should stop trying so hard to make others fall in love with me and say screw you if they are not willing to put in as much effort as I do.
Maybe it’s partially my own fault I keep ending up in one-sided relationships. Maybe I need to raise my standards and lower my tolerance for bullshit. Maybe I need someone who cares about me as much as I care about them.