She Is Not Supposed To Be The Only Person Putting In Effort

A girl putting in effort
Unsplash / Seth Reese

She is not supposed to be the one who asks you to hang out and sets up plans and rearranges her schedule so you have a chance to see each other. The only one who is willing to sacrifice.

She is not supposed to be the one who texts first every single time. The one who occasionally needs to double text, otherwise you will never bother to answer her.

She is not supposed to feel like the relationship is one-sided. She is not supposed to wonder whether you like her as much as you claim because your actions and your words are mismatched.

She is not supposed to be the one who cares more. The one who does 99 percent. The only one putting in effort.

That effort is supposed to be matched by you. She should be planning out dates one week and then letting you take the reigns the next week. She should be on top during sex one night and you should swap positions the next night.

You should be giving her as much as you have been taking from her. You should make sure the relationship is 50-50 so that she doesn’t feel like you are taking advantage of her.

Putting in effort means going the extra mile without being asked. It means doing the dishes when it’s her turn because you can see how tired she is. It means cooking her favorite breakfast for her even though she is perfectly happy having cereal. It means going out of your way to cause her happiness, even though it’s not something you have to do. It’s something you want to do.

Wanting to put in effort is the key. You shouldn’t complain while you’re doing something nice for her. It doesn’t count if you go shopping with her, but the entire time, you’re whining about how your feet hurt and you want to get back home. It doesn’t mean as much if you agree to have dinner with her parents, but you’re quiet and distant the entire time because you would rather be anywhere else.

You need to show her that you want to make her happy. That doing the things she wants to do isn’t a nuisance. They bring you joy because they bring her joy. Because your favorite thing is to see her smile.

Putting in effort should not feel like a chore when you love the person. It should feel natural. It should feel good.

If you truly love her, then you won’t rest until she is spoiled rotten. You won’t sit on your ass while she busts her ass trying to make you happy. You will want to make each other happy. You will want the relationship to be balanced so she can feel the weight of your love. So she never has to wonder whether you really care or are only stringing her along.

If you want your relationship to last, she should not be the only person who is putting in effort. She should not feel like the whole world rests on her shoulders. You should share the work. You should act as partners. You should act as a team. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

More From Thought Catalog