I thought losing you in the first place hurt — but it hurt even worse when I saw you with your new girlfriend for the first time.
I always assumed the reason we never moved from almost to official was because you weren’t ready for a real relationship. Because you weren’t the type to settle down. Because you needed a few more years of running around before you could even think about dating someone seriously.
I was upset when I realized we were never going to become more than just friends, but I told myself there was nothing I could have done to change your mind. No matter how much time we spent together, you were never going to agree to date me. You wanted to stay single. You wanted to enjoy your bachelor days. That was what I honestly believed.
That is why seeing you with someone else sucks so much. It’s proof that I was wrong. You were ready for a relationship — just not with me.
Maybe I’m blinded by my feelings but I don’t understand why you decided to take a chance on her but refused to do the same with me. I can’t figure out if you find her more attractive or if you have more in common with her or if she did something I should have done in the first place.
I thought you were attracted to me. I thought we had fun together. I thought we fit together.
You flirted with me for such a long time, so you must have felt something for me. I know I’m not crazy. I didn’t imagine the sexual tension between us. You showed concrete signs that you cared. You even told me that you cared. You made me believe that your feelings for me were as strong as my feelings for you.
I guess you liked me a little but not enough. You thought I was good enough to keep you company for a temporary amount of time but then you were done with me.
I need to accept you are gone and are never coming back, but it’s so hard for me to find closure when there are still so many questions swimming through my mind.
I don’t understand why you chose her when you could have been with me. I don’t understand why we stopped talking. I don’t understand why it didn’t work out when we both seemed like we were on the same page.
My stomach dropped when I realized you were dating someone else — and not just because it hurt to know you chose someone else over me. The worst part is the finality of the situation. There was always a part of me that assumed we were going to reunite eventually, that we were going to become a couple sometime down the line, and now it feels like that will never happen.
Now it feels like we’re over for good. Now it feels like I was stupid to ever like you in the first place.