I’m Sorry You’re Dating Such A Bitch

I’m sorry I have no idea how to process my emotions, let alone express them. I get angry easily. When someone feeds me constructive criticism, I jump down their throat. My default emotion is annoyed. I am overly emotional. I think with my heart instead of my head and end up acting like a complete bitch on accident. I don’t mean to come across as nasty but I’ve been hurt so many times that I automatically act neurotic. I am always on the defense.

I’m sorry about how reactive I am. I say things without thinking. I shut down without meaning to offend anyone. I cry easily. I scream easily. I’ve been around toxic people for so long that I have forgotten how to act human. I don’t realize I am being unreasonable until it’s too late. Until I have already caused hurt.

I’m sorry I have so much trouble getting along with others. I struggle to maintain eye contact. I have difficulty making small talk. I’m not a good conversationalist. I don’t mean to make your friends and family uncomfortable, but I don’t know how to socialize. I can’t do any better. I am trying my best but it feels like it’s never good enough.

I’m sorry I keep my paranoid thoughts to myself until they snowball into a problem. I have been conditioned to say I’m fine. I pretend I’m okay because I don’t want to bother anybody. I don’t want to make a mountain out of a molehill. I assume I have enough strength to deal with whatever insecurities are running through my mind, so I keep quiet to avoid confrontation — and then accidentally end up blowing up when I realize I cannot stay silent any longer.

I’m sorry I spend so much of my time complaining. I’ve been told I can make a problem out of anything. There is always something bugging me, whether it’s a real, serious problem or something as minuscule as the temperature of the room. I am never satisfied. I always want something different, I always want something more.

I’m sorry I don’t know how to express my love properly. I am used to pretending I have no emotions, no heart, no soul. Acting affectionate is new for me. It’s something I have no prior experience doing. My instinct is to pull myself away, to pretend I don’t care about anyone to avoid getting hurt. It’s going to take some time for me to retrain the way my mind works so I can treat you right.

I’m sorry I have so much trouble trusting. I have abandonment issues. I have baggage. I have difficulty believing anyone would be willing to dedicate their life to me when there is so much wrong with me. My insecurities are the reason why I am so suspicious, so skeptical. I can never let my guard down completely. I don’t know how.

I’m sorry you’re dating such a bitch. I’m sorry being someone’s girlfriend is such a struggle for me when being a good boyfriend comes so naturally to you.