I Never Open Up To Anyone

A girl who never opens up
Unsplash /
Gül Kurtaran

I have never worn my heart on my sleeve. I am not the kind of person to walk up to a stranger and give my life story. I keep my secrets close to my chest. I cut myself off from society to protect myself.

It’s rare for me to open myself up to someone, because I am a skeptic. I expect the worst from others. I am afraid of spilling my deepest feelings to someone and having them walk away with the knowledge.

I keep to myself because life is easier that way. There are less risks. There is a smaller chance I will get my heart torn from its ribcage.

When I isolate myself, I don’t have to worry about being betrayed. I don’t have to wonder whether I am the one who cares more. There is less stress, because the only person I have to think about is myself.

I don’t mind being alone. Most of the time, I actually prefer separating myself.

That is why, if I actually open up to you, then you must mean something to me. You must be someone I feel like I can trust — and that does not happen often.

If I am willing to bear my soul to you, please do not take it for granted. Understand how difficult it is for me to be open and honest with someone who could leave at any time. Realize how rare it is for me to take a risk with my heart.

Please do not get mad at me for how slowly it takes me to open up to you. I need to take baby steps. Every time I am vulnerable with you, every time I give you the truth instead of pretending to be fine, you should be proud of me.

My instinct is to run when I develop strong feelings for someone. If I decide to let you into my world, I am going against my gut and following my heart.

If I actually open up to you, please be appreciative. Please be careful with the way you react. Don’t get angry at me when I tell you how I am feeling, because if you make me feel bad about being honest with you, then I am going to revert back to my old ways. I am going to push you away. I am never going to tell you my secrets again.

You need to understand how hard it is for me to reveal my authentic self, because I can’t shake the fear that I am going to get heartbroken in the end. I keep my feelings locked inside, because no one can hurt me if I hurt them first.

I have spent most of my life hiding from my emotions, so if I actually open up to you, then I must have strong feelings for you. I must care about you more than you think.

You must be someone I can imagine keeping around for a lifetime. Someone I do not want to lose. TC mark

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