I don’t want to walk into a bar, chitchat about nothing for an hour, and then come back to your place without learning your middle name.
I don’t want to text back and forth for weeks, repeating the same empty conversations, and then meet at your apartment to silently watch Netflix before making out.
I don’t want to hook up with you while I’m wasted and spend the next day waiting for a phone call that you aren’t going to make.
I’m not saying I never want to have sex. I’m saying I never want to have sex with someone I barely know. Someone who considers me a warm body and not much else.
I want sex to feel meaningful. I want it to feel emotional.
That doesn’t mean I’m holding out for someone who I can imagine marrying. I’m only holding out for someone who feels like more than a one-night stand. Someone who makes me smile, makes me laugh, makes me feel comfortable.
I am tired of meeting someone new, hitting it off at first, and then having them beg for nudes before they even hang out with me in person.
I am tired of people who buy me a drink, ask for my phone number, or treat me with an ounce kindness and suddenly think I owe them my body.
I am tired of people who compliment me on my physical appearance without bothering to get to know the personality beneath the skin.
I want someone who cares about more than sex. Someone who will jump at the chance to see me, even if sex is off the table.
As much as I like having sex, I don’t want that to be the only reason I’m stopping by your apartment. I don’t want you to kiss me hello, rip my clothes off, and then call an Uber. I don’t want to feel like you are using me for my body.
I want someone who will make me orgasm with their mouth and then spend the next three hours binge-watching Westworld with me. Someone who is able to create a balance between physical and emotional intimacy.
I want to spend the day together. I want to grab dinner and swap work stories and cuddle once the sun falls. I want a relationship. A real one. A serious one.
I am not a prude. Once you get me into a relationship, I will do the dirtiest things that cross your mind. I will be open to anything and everything. But until then, I am not going to take my clothes off for you.
There is nothing wrong with casual sex if your heart can stand the temporary. Mine cannot.
I am not going to enjoy myself during sex unless I know there is going to be a next time. Unless I know you well enough to feel comfortable showing you every side of me. Unless I know you are someone I can truly trust.
I don’t want meaningless sex. I want meaningful conversations — with sex on the side.