I Am Not The Girl With A Soft Heart, I Am The Girl With A Hardened Heart

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A girl with a hardened heart
Unsplash / Christopher Campbell

I am not the girl with a soft heart. The girl who gives out second chances. The girl who sees the best in every person who approaches. I am not that nice.

My heart has hardened after years of disappointment. I have been in love before — or at least had strong feelings for others before — and it has gotten me nowhere. I used to try but my effort was unrequited. Every time I found myself in a budding relationship, it seemed one-sided.

I cannot consider myself a romantic because I do not believe in love at first sight or soulmates. At this point, I’m not even sure if I believe in true love.

I have trouble wrapping my brain around the possibility of forever. People never remain in my world for long, so I try not to get too attached. I don’t want to waste my time getting to know someone who is only going to walk away with my secrets held close to their chest.

Because of my hardened heart, I have trouble forming intimate relationships with others. When they take one step closer, I take one step away. I hesitate to let anyone into my world, because every lover is a future stranger.

No matter how much chemistry I have with someone, no matter how intense our connection seems at first, I assume they are going to leave me eventually. I have trust issues. Abandonment issues. Heavy baggage brought on from years of rejection.

I am not the kind of person who will lock eyes with a stranger from across the room and imagine our love story unfolding. I am the kind of person who will go on ten dates with someone, listen to their promises about the future, and still assume the worst will occur. Years into a relationship, I will still have trouble believing they mean it when they tell me they care.

My hardened heart has morphed me into a pessimist. I cannot enjoy someone’s company without counting down the seconds until they grow bored of me. I cannot picture a future with anyone, because I imagine myself alone for eternity.

Sometimes, I wish I had a softer heart. I wish I could blindly believe others when they made me promises. I wish I could trust wholly without wondering whether I was being played. I wish I could see the best in people instead of searching for their one flaw that will eventually cause everything to collapse.

I wish I had an easier time believing in love, but my heart has hardened after so many letdowns.

I cannot dive headfirst into a relationship, because I am trying to protect myself. I don’t want to be hurt again. I would rather remain alone than go through the pain of losing someone else. I would rather hurt myself before anyone else has the chance to do it first.

I have a hardened heart, but I wasn’t born like this. I was made this way by a lifetime of heartbreaks. TC mark

Be Inspired 💫

“I hope you heal. I hope you find yourself again. I hope you find something that burns a fire in your soul. I hope you find the rays of sunlight even on your darkest days. I want you to know that you’re going to be okay.” — Shivani Sonawane

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This is me letting you go

If there’s one thing we all need to stop doing, it’s waiting around for someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person you’ve been waiting for.

At the end of the day, you have two choices in love – one is to accept someone just as they are and the other is to walk away.

We owe it to ourselves to live the greatest life that we’re capable of living, even if that means that we have to be alone for a very long time.

“Everyone could use a book like this at some point in their life.” – Heather
Let go now