2018 Has Been A Horrible Year Already

A girl in 2018
Pexels / Pixabay

I went into the new year hoping that it would be better than the last, but so far things have only gotten worse.

I am more stressed than I have ever been before. I am dealing with more problems than I can handle on my own. Nothing is going the way I expected. I hate everything.

Lately, I have trouble enjoying moments that are meant to be fun. I will look forward to something for weeks, assuming that I will finally experience happiness once the event arrives, and then end up disappointed when the time comes.

Nothing makes me happy. Everything turns into a problem. Something always goes wrong.

I feel like the world is against me, as self-centered as that sounds. I feel like the universe doesn’t want me to be happy. Whenever I have a moment of rest, it never lasts long. I will get one good night’s rest and then shit will hit the fan again and I won’t remember what it feels like to sleep for more than three hours.

I am always worried about something — and not because I am overthinking. These are real problems. Apocalyptic problems. Problems I have to deal with as soon as possible.

Lately, I have been struggling to make it through the day. I keep telling myself that tomorrow will be better. I keep saying that if I make it through today than everything will be okay again. But I have been saying that for months now and nothing is okay. Nothing is getting better.

The year is still young and I already hate 2018. It has been the most difficult year of my entire life. It has put me through hell.

I want to look on the bright side. I want to say this year is challenging me as a person and I will come out stronger than I have ever been before — but I’m not sure if that’s the truth.

Right now, I feel weak. I don’t know what my next move is supposed to be. I feel like every time I make a decision, it’s the wrong one. Every time I say something, it comes out incorrectly.

I feel trapped. I keep trying to change my life, but nothing has been working. I keep failing. I keep fucking up. And when I’m not the one causing problems, someone else is dragging me into their drama. It’s impossible to escape the chaos.

I try to kick toxic people out of my world but they won’t leave. I try to do the right thing and get punished for it. I try to create happiness for myself and end up more depressed than the day before.

I have reached my breaking point. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore. I don’t know how to fix this.

I keep wondering whether my suffering is going to end soon, whether everything will be okay again shortly, but that seems unrealistic.

It seems like, no matter what I do, 2018 keeps getting worse. TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

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