Stop Mistaking Poisonous Love For Passionate Love

A girl in love
Unsplash / Christian Ferrer

Staying up past midnight, crying your eyes out over him because you love him so much is not romantic.

Screaming at each other at two in the morning and then having makeup sex directly after (instead of having an actual conversation about what just happened) does not mean your relationship is filled with passion.

Having him fistfight another guy who glanced in your direction is not proof of how much he cares — and neither is him controlling what you wear and what guys you text because he wants you all to himself.

Getting jealous whenever you talk to another boy is not cute.

Claiming he is going to kill himself if you leave him is not a compliment.

Pulling you away from your friends and your family so he can spend every waking moment with you is not a good sign.

All of those behaviors are toxic. They are proof your relationship is unhealthy.

Stop mistaking poisonous love for passionate love. There is a difference between caring about someone and obsessing over someone. Between having trust issues and anger issues. Between wanting what is best for the relationship and wanting what is best for you.

If he loves you, he should show it by giving you room to grow. By letting you have the freedom to develop into a more rounded person. He shouldn’t encourage you to turn down a night with your friends because he is worried about spending less time with you. He shouldn’t discourage you from moving across the country to chase your dreams because he would feel more comfortable remaining in place.

He should inspire you to have your own life and to pursue your own goals. He should feel confident that your relationship will withstand anything, because you are both willing to fight for it. Because neither of you are going to give up when things get hard.

If he really loves you, he won’t let his trust issues slowly destroy the relationship. He won’t snoop through your texts and guess your email passwords. Whenever he is feeling insecure or paranoid or in need of reassurance, he will have a conversation with you about those feelings. He will talk things through with you instead of letting the doubt fester and come out in the form of control.

If he really loves you, he will act more like your teammate than your enemy. He will compliment you when you look good, not complain about how other boys will be staring at you. He will celebrate when you earn a promotion, not mope about how you have to work longer hours.

He will be your best friend, your confidant, your cheerleader. He will experience greater happiness by helping you achieve greater happiness. Your accomplishments will be his accomplishments and your disappointments will be his disappointments.

If he really loves you, then you will feel comfortable and calm whenever you are together. Relationships filled with screaming might seem more passionate, but it is only imposter love. Real love happens when two people respect each other. When they push each other forward. When they work out their issues like adults instead of screaming and crying in the rain. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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