You are allowed to ask him to become your official boyfriend instead of another almost. You are allowed to call him out when he mistreats you instead of acting like you’re okay with his shitty behavior. You are allowed to tell him what you are thinking instead of censoring the words that come out of your mouth to seem chill.
You shouldn’t have to bottle up your emotions because you’re afraid of scaring him away. You should feel confident he will stick by your side through anything — even the times when you come across as crazy.
When you’re upset about how long he takes between texts, tell him. When you’re jealous over the way he keeps looking at the waitress, tell him. When you’re mad about the way he talked down to you, tell him.
If he accuses you of being overly emotional or turns the situation around to blame you somehow, then he was never meant to be yours.
The right person for you will encourage your honesty. He will see how hard it is for you to open yourself up after years of closing yourself off. He will realize it takes guts for you to explain how you are feeling instead of lying about being fine.
If you are meant to be together, he will be proud every time you express your opinion, even if he disagrees with you. Even if it hurts him to hear what you have to say. He will be happy you trust him enough to be honest with him, even when it’s hard.
When you’re with the right person, you should feel comfortable talking about anything and everything. There shouldn’t be any topics that are off-limits. You shouldn’t have to hold yourself back because you’re afraid of sparking another argument or because you’re worried about looking psycho.
You should date someone you can have adult discussions with that never end in screaming matches. Someone who will listen to what you have to say and apologize when they were in the wrong. Someone who makes you feel like you can be yourself, always.
You don’t want to hand your heart to someone who only wants you around when you are in a cheery mood. He should accept you, whether you are smiling or crying. He should stick around, whether you are happy with him or pissed off at him.
There is no point in pretending you want a casual relationship when you’re secretly looking for something serious. There is no point in lying about how you feel, because your lies might convince him to stay for a little bit longer, but it will be for all the wrong reasons.
Meanwhile, you will be dying inside. You will be miserable. You will wish he knew how you truly felt, because you’re putting on a play whenever he’s around.
If being honest about your emotions or your expectations pushes him away, then he was never meant to be yours. Then you still haven’t found the person whose heart belongs to you.