I am not the same girl who used to put others before herself. I am not the same girl who let others take advantage of her kindness. I am not the girl who placed herself last on her own list of priorities.
I used to get pleasure from bringing happiness to other people, but then I let it get out of control. I overextended myself. I went out of my way to help people who didn’t deserve my effort. My love. My attention.
In the end, acting selfless only hurt me. It brought more stress into my life than I was able to handle. As guilty as I feel about letting down my loved ones, I can’t keep bending over backwards for them.
My change in behavior might cause some people to consider me a bitch, but I have to place myself first for a change. I cannot sacrifice my happiness in order to take care of others. I have to take care of myself for the first time in my life.
Of course, I am not going to screw my loved ones over when they desperately need me. I won’t toss my humanity out the window. But I am going to be more selective about what I choose to do for others in the future. More importantly, I am going to be more careful about who I choose to help.
Before this, I would go out of my way for people who had zero respect for me. People who would take what I gave without even thinking about returning the favor. When it comes to these people, I am not going to continue to be kind. I am not going to make my life harder so I can make their life a smidgen easier.
From now on, I am not going to entertain one-sided relationships, whether they are familial or romantic. That is unfair to me — and it’s time I start thinking about me.
I am not going to lose sleep, thinking about people who are irrelevant. I am not going to rearrange my schedule for people who would never do the same for me. I am not going to sacrifice my happiness, my success, or my morals for anyone else.
From now on, I am going to do what I want. I am going to place my dreams first. My comfort first. My sanity first.
I am not the same girl who used to put other people before herself in every single situation, regardless of how much stress it would induce. I am not the same girl who felt guilty every time she said no, because she didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I am not the same girl who based her value on what she was able to offer others instead of basing it off of her personal strengths.
Now, I am the girl who recognizes her own worth. The girl who doesn’t give a fuck about hurting people who hurt her. The girl who places herself first, because self-love isn’t selfish.