Before You Find Your Forever Person, You Better Find Yourself

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A girl who has found herself
Unsplash / Gül Kurtaran

You are not going to like hearing this, but you are not destined to find someone. Yes, you might stumble across your ‘forever person’ sometime in the future and live your own version of happily ever after. But you might end up losing them to death or divorce after having a few good years together. Or you might never find someone you click with well enough to dedicate yourself to eternally.

That realization should not disappoint you. It should uplift you. It should give you the courage to walk away from unhealthy situations and selfishly place yourself first on your long list of priorities.

You might not want to admit it, because the idea of falling in love with your soulmate sounds so sweet, but there is more to this life than finding someone to spend it alongside. Friends will come and go. Relationships will begin and end. The only constant is yourself.

You cannot break up with yourself. You cannot grow apart from yourself. You cannot escape yourself. Even if you have a great deal of insecurities right now, you are going to have to learn to love yourself, because you are not going anywhere.

The people surrounding you might consider you the kindest soul they have ever come across, but none of that matters unless you are able to get along with yourself. You should not treat yourself like the enemy, criticizing yourself over every minor inconvenience. You should not think of yourself as a burden, as a waste of space and potential.

You should treat yourself with the same amount of kindness you have been giving everyone else. You wouldn’t pick apart your best friend for being antisocial during a party. You wouldn’t make fun of your person for growing a few extra pounds. Likewise, you should never do those things to yourself.

You should accept yourself. Apologize to yourself. Aim to discover more about yourself.

Instead of scrambling to find a date for the movies or a Sunday brunch, do more things on your own. Let your independence flourish. Let yourself breathe without anyone around to steal your air.

You will never reach fulfillment if you are eternally waiting for someone else to make you feel complete. You have the necessary tools to cultivate happiness on your own. There is nothing to search for, except yourself.

Even if you have your heart set on a traditional relationship, you better find yourself before you find your forever person. Because a relationship will never last if your identity gets lost inside of theirs. You have to have your own thoughts, your own opinions, your own reasons to live. You cannot tangle yourself up with them, because you are two separate souls.

Of course, finding your forever person should not be the end goal. It should not be the milestone you are stretching to reach. Your only true goal should be becoming a happier person. A person who believes in themselves, who accepts themselves, who loves themselves, whether they are in a relationship or not. TC mark

Rethinking your life and don’t know where to start? 💭

If I stopped growing tomorrow, is this the person I would want to be for the rest of my life?

Letting go is not releasing
it is allowing
What already is.

The things we lose are not losses. They are entryways.

The only way to fail is to stop trying.

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