When You Actually Have A Good Life, Depression Makes You Feel Like An Asshole

A girl with depression
God & Man;

When you have a good life and are depressed, it takes you a while to admit that you are depressed. You don’t think the word could apply to you. You don’t think you qualify. You have trouble accepting how numb you have become because you have every reason to be happy. Because there is so much good in your world.

When you have a good life and are depressed, you keep comparing yourself to other people. People who are struggling with real problems. People who would roll their eyes at you for whining about a life that is pretty close to perfect. People who would claim you are being dramatic because you don’t even know what actual struggles look like.

When you have a good life and are depressed, you feel like an ungrateful piece of shit. You feel like you are taking everything you have for granted. You feel like you should be more appreciative, like you should be able to see the silver lining easier, because you have more than you could have ever asked for. Because things could be so much worse.

When you have a good life and are depressed, you wonder what the hell is wrong with you. You feel like you should be happy. You shouldn’t have such a hard time getting out of bed. You shouldn’t have such a hard time making it until tomorrow. You hate yourself for how dark your thoughts have become. You wish you could switch from a pessimist to an optimist but it isn’t that simple. Something deeper is going on with your brain and you can’t stand how powerless you feel.

When you have a good life and are depressed, you are too embarrassed to tell anyone what is wrong. If you told your friends and family that you have been suffering, they wouldn’t understand why. They wouldn’t be as supportive as you want because they wouldn’t take your complaints seriously. They would think you’re just going through a slump and will get over it soon.

When you have a good life and are depressed, you feel like you have to play pretend. You have to act like you have it all together. You have to fake smiles and force laughs. You don’t want to look like a spoiled brat, so you hold yourself back from complaining in front of others. You let yourself suffer in the privacy of your bedroom to avoid judgement.

When you have a good life and are depressed, you wonder if you are ever going to experience happiness again. After all, things are going pretty good for you lately and you still aren’t satisfied, so what is it going to take to change your mind? How much do you need to accomplish until you stop feeling worthless? When are those feeling going to end?

When you have a good life and are depressed, you feel like a failure. You feel like there is something wrong with you. You feel like complete and utter shit. TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

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