Everyone talks about how hard it is to ask for help. To admit that there is something wrong and reach out to a trusted friend or family member or therapist for advice. But no one talks about how hard it is to actually get the help that you’ve admitted you needed.
I haven’t been okay lately. I haven’t been okay for a while, but I never reached out for help until recently.
When I finally admitted I needed a therapist, it took me over a month to find one that fit. I had to call up my insurance company multiple times, asking them to send another and another list of therapists they covered (they only sent 10 each time, most of which weren’t available outside of my work hours). After failing to find someone for four weeks, I wanted to give up. I wanted to say screw this, even though I knew I needed the help.
Later on, after actually finding a therapist, she gave me the name of a ‘group’ that she thought would be beneficial for me. It took weeks for me to find a church that actually held the meetings at a time I could attend. I had to send a million emails and be directed a million times until someone finally pointed me in the right direction. At one point, I wanted to give up. I wanted to say screw this, even though I knew I needed the help.
Rewind a few years, back to when I was brave enough to tell a family member I struggled with suicidal thoughts. Maybe if he responded differently, I would have gotten help earlier. Maybe I would have been healthier sooner. Instead, he rolled his eyes and told me that everyone had suicidal thoughts, that it was normal, that it didn’t matter. That time, I wanted to say screw you. I probably did.
The point is that it’s way too hard to find help. It’s fucking ridiculous. If someone does the hard part and actually admits that they need help, if they actually reach out and say I am struggling, I am not okay, then they should get the help they need as soon as possible. From a friend. From a family member. From a therapist. From whoever they need.
Unfortunately, people suck. These situations suck. Everything sucks.
So until you get the help that you need, you have to stay strong. You have to keep trying. You can’t get frustrated over how long it’s taking to find the right therapist or the right medication or the right friend to spill your heart out to.
You have to hold on. You have to keep going. You have to be patient, because it will be worth it. You are worth it — and you are going to realize that soon.