I want to know what it feels like to trust someone. To genuinly believe they are going to stay loyal to me. To know they would never do anything to hurt me.
I want to know what it feels like to fully trust my person instead of considering the what ifs. What if they get bored of me? What if they find someone prettier than me? What if they are texting someone else behind my back? What if they are sleeping with someone else behind my back? What if, what if, what if…
I want to know what it feels like to stop doubting myself. To stop letting my insecurities convince me I am unlovable. To stop assuming that I am eventually going to be left behind. To stop counting down the seconds until the relationship falls apart like all of the others have before.
I want to know what it feels like to be comfortable in a relationship. To feel secure. To know nothing is going to separate us.
I want to know what it feels like to believe my person when they say they are coming home late because they got stuck in traffic or when their phone rings in the middle of the night and they claim they don’t know who is calling, because they never lie about those things. Because I know they would never sneak around. Because I know they care about me too much to risk losing me.
I want to know what it feels like to stop stressing about the competition. To stop acting like other women are my enemies. To stop hating everyone who is prettier than me or more successful than me because I am worried they are the one who is going to steal my person away.
I want to know what it feels like to trust someone enough that I will never have the urge to look through their phone. Or guess their passwords. Or snoop through their room. I want to know what it feels like to trust someone without searching for evidence that they can actually be trusted.
I want to know what it feels like to be confident in my relationship. Confident that our bond is strong. Confident that we aren’t going to end in fire and flames. Confident that I have found the person I am going to spend the rest of my life alongside.
I want to know what it feels like to date someone who keeps reassuring me they want to be with me. Someone who tells me they love me a million times per day, because they can’t stop themselves from saying it. Someone who never makes me wonder whether they have lost feelings for me, because they express their love every damn day.
I want to know what it feels like to fully trust someone. Trust that they will always be there. Trust that they they aren’t going anywhere. Trust that they only want me, that I am more than enough for them.