I Still Want You In My World, But You Don’t Belong Here Anymore

A girl who wants you in her world
Unsplash / Almos Bechtold

I don’t want to cut  you out of my world. I don’t want to erase your name from my contact list, delete you from social media, and change the locks on my door. I don’t want to switch subjects when friends ask about you and walk the other way when I see you in person.

I don’t want things to be this strained between us — but you don’t belong in my world anymore. You lost your spot.

You hurt me too badly to stay. You disappointed me more days than I can count.

I feel guilty about walking away from you, even though I gave you more than enough time and chances to make things right. Even though there is no reason for me to feel bad, because you are the one who messed up. You are the one who should be feeling guilty, because even though I’m the one initiating the separation, you’re the one who caused it. You’re the reason why this has to happen.

It takes a lot for me to cut a person out of my world. When someone important enters my life, I hold onto them tightly. I grow attached quickly. I don’t like to leave people behind when I have a long history with them. I don’t give up easily. I fight for what I love.

So the fact that I have reached a point where I can no longer keep you in my world should say something. It should say that you crossed an unforgivable line. It should say that this is my only option I have left. It should say that this is taking a lot of strength for me to do.

I don’t want you to think I hate you. I still love you, which is why this is so difficult for me. You’re not the only one who is going to suffer after I say goodbye. It is going to be just as difficult for me to move on.

Except there will be one difference. Eventually, I am going to heal from what happened between us. I am going to grow. I am going to find someone who appreciates me. Someone who respects me. Someone who treats me better than you ever have.

But you are never going to find anyone who treats you better than I did. I gave you everything. All of my effort. Affection. Love. Trust. I couldn’t have done anything more for you. I worked my ass off to salvage our relationship, but you forced it to crumble.

That is why I have no choice. I have to leave you. I have to ignore the temptation to text you on holidays and on your birthday. I have to stop my mind from daydreaming about you whenever my head hits the pillow. I have to keep reminding myself that my world is going to be better without you. I am going to be happier without you. I am going to feel more fulfilled, more at peace, more me. TC mark

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