I Only Wanted You Because You Were Nice To Me When I Needed It The Most

A girl who needed kindness
God & Man

I only wanted you when I was lonely. When being single felt like the worst punishment in the world. When I was terrified of having no one. When I needed someone — anyone — to help me through my dark days. Someone to text during my meltdowns. Someone to cuddle during my nightmares. Someone to distract me from myself.

I only wanted you when I was in a bad place in my life. When I would have taken anyone. When I wanted someone in my heart so badly that I settled for the first person who treated me with the slightest bit of affection. The first person who remembered my name. The first person who made me feel like maybe I did matter after all.

I only wanted you when I felt completely empty inside. When I was under the impression that dating would solve all of my problems. When I thought that someone else could save me — or could at least bring me enough peace of mind to save myself.

I only wanted you when I was desperate for an escape. When I wanted to run away, when I wanted to leave my house, when I wanted to be anywhere except my empty bedroom. When the last thing I wanted was to be left alone with my own thoughts because I was worried they would put me in a body bag.

I only wanted you when I was trying to forget. Forget about my past. Forget about my baggage. Forget about my stress. Forget about the person that I wished I was with instead of you.

I only wanted you because you wanted me. I never thought someone would want to date me, so when I found out that you were interested, I latched onto you. I didn’t think about whether or not I actually liked you back. I decided to jump straight into the relationship. I decided that I might as well give it a shot because it was rare for someone to ask me on an official date. It was rare for someone to chase after me for a change.

I only wanted you because I didn’t think things through the way I should have. I didn’t think about how badly I would hurt you when I left. I didn’t think about how wrong it was to accept your love — not because I had feelings for you too — but because you were there. Because you were the first person to come along and give me attention.

I only wanted you because I met you at a time when I was struggling to find happiness and I thought that you would be able to help me. I thought a real relationship would solve all of my problems. I thought you would be the answer I was looking for, not another one of my mistakes. Not another thing for me to feel guilty about.

I only wanted you because you showed me kindness during a time when I needed it the most — and that made me attach myself to you for all the wrong reasons. TC mark

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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