I Feel Much Better Without You In My World

A girl who feels much better
Unsplash / Rodolfo Sanches Carvalho

Cutting you out of my world wasn’t easy on me. Even though I knew that I was doing the right thing, I felt guilty for leaving you behind after everything that happened between us. I didn’t want to hurt you in the same way that you hurt me. I only wanted to raise my standards. I wanted to do what was best for my own mental health. I wanted to put myself first for a change.

In the beginning, it felt weird without you in my world. I had to stop myself whenever I picked up the phone and thought about texting you. I had to awkwardly tell friends that you were no longer in my life. I had to learn how to live without you for the first time in a long time.

But now that the dust has settled, now that I have gotten used to you being gone, I am much happier than I have ever been before. I am finally able to let myself relax. I finally feel at peace inside of my own skin. I’m not as jumpy as I used to be. I’m not as anxious or on edge anymore.

Without you in my world, I’m not as stressed out as I once was. I don’t overthink as much. I don’t doubt myself as much. I actually feel confident for a change. I feel like I have my shit together. I feel like I am doing well for myself.

Without you in my world, there is much less drama. I don’t have a reason to scream my lungs out every night. I don’t have a reason to cry alone in the shower. I don’t have a reason to watch what I say as soon as I walk through the door to avoid starting another fight. I don’t have a reason to hold onto bitterness and anger that is only going to weigh me down.

Without you in my world, I have more time for myself. Instead of wasting all of my hours worrying about what you are going to do next, I am able to focus on my own happiness. On my health. On my career. On my passions. On my friendships. I have the chance to ask myself what I want from this universe and find a way to chase it down.

Without you in my world, I have more freedom. I can make my own decisions without worrying about what you will say about me. I can do what I want instead of tiptoeing around your feelings and trying to make you happy.

Without you in my world, everything is going well for me. Things are finally looking up.

It took me a long time to let go of you because I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to live without you — or if I wanted to live without you. But it turns out, I’m doing better than I ever have before. I’m happier now than I ever thought possible. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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