I Do Not Want To Be ‘Easy To Love’

I don’t want to be easy to love. I don’t want you to take one look at me and decide that it’s love at first sight, that destiny brought us together, that you want to spend the rest of your life alongside me. I don’t want you to put me on a pedestal, assuming that I am perfect since day one.

Screw that. I want you to be realistic. I want you to see the real me, not the version you’ve made up inside of your head. I want you to realize that I am imperfect and like me anyway.

If you think I’m flawless, then I want you to get to know me better before you decide whether I’m the person you are going to spend the rest of your life alongside. I want you to see the darkest parts of me before you make such a life-changing decision.

I want you to see me when tears are cascading down my face and my throat is raw from screaming. I want you to hear me complain about how much I hate my shitty apartment and fake friends and estranged family. I want you to watch me be a bitch.

I want you to wait until the days when I annoy the hell out of you. The days when you think I am acting ridiculous. The days when you want to slam the bedroom door or storm out the front door just so you have a minute away from me.

I want you to see me at my worst because I don’t want you to assume that I’m easy to love. I want you to realize that there are going to be days when I am difficult to love and decide to love me anyway.

I want you to continue to put in the effort when things get hard. I want you to force yourself to stick around even when it would be easier to leave. I want you to put your entire heart into our relationship, even on the days when you are exhausted.

Our relationship is never going to be perfect. Most of the time there will be forehead kisses and intimate talks and weekend dates. But we can’t fast-forward through the mood swings and silent treatments and petty arguments. We have to live through them. We have to get through them together.

I am going to be the best partner I can be — but I am only human, which means I am bound to screw up. I am bound to drive you nuts from time to time and I know you will do the same to me. That’s the way relationships work. That’s the reality of the situation.

There are going to be days when you feel like I am difficult to love, which is why I want someone who is determined to keep loving me through everything. Someone who always wants me around, even when I’m annoying. Someone who always loves me, even when it’s hard.