Even Though You Sent Mixed Signals, I Miss Talking To You

A guy who sends mixed signals
Unsplash / Parker Whitson

I miss talking to you, even though you annoyed the hell out of me when you were around. You were always sending mixed signals, acting like you wanted to be my boyfriend one day and then acting like you couldn’t care less about me the next day.

Every time you talked to me, you confused me. I went back and forth between liking you and hating you. There were days when I swore I wouldn’t waste any more time on you and other days when I swore it was only a matter of time until we became an official couple.

With you, my emotions swung into extremes. I was either extremely excited, because the sexual tension was off the charts. Or I was extremely disappointed, because you let me down again.

There was never a middle ground, because I never knew what to expect with you. I didn’t know what I was going to get until after it happened. You were unpredictable, unreliable, inconsistent.

You never made sense to me. Some days, you would blow up my phone with notifications. You would invite me over and banter back and forth with me and tell me how much you loved spending time with me. You would make it clear you were interested. You would make it clear we were compatible.

But I never let myself get my hopes up, because on other days, you would go missing in action. You would ignore every message I sent, and if I was lucky enough to get a reply, you would claim you were too busy to see me. You would push me into the background. You would treat me like a second choice. Maybe even a third.

I never understood why you kept changing your attitude. I could never find an explanation that made sense.

I know everyone says mixed signals mean a person likes you, but not enough, which is so hard for me to accept. You looked at me like you had strong feelings for me. You fooled me into believing there was something real between us, not something temporary, not something fleeting. You made me believe you cared. You made me believe we had a chance.

You kept me trapped in an almost relationship, but I didn’t realize that at the time. I thought we were heading toward a serious relationship. I thought we were taking things slow because it was better than jumping headfirst into new territory. I thought we were being patient, because relationships that start quickly crash and burn quickly. I thought you wanted me to stay patient. I thought you wanted me as badly as I wanted you.

Back when you were in my world, you slowly drove me insane with your mixed signals. But now that you’re gone, I miss you. I miss staying up late, waiting for your texts to come through. I miss getting surprise invitations over to your apartment. I miss joking around with you. I miss teasing you. I miss being confused by you. TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

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