Don’t Expect Me To Keep Putting In Effort When You Never Do The Same

A girl who keeps putting in effort
Unsplash / Sorin Sîrbu

You take my kindness for granted. You don’t think twice when I text you first or schedule plans or pick up your favorite snack on my way over to your place. You are used to getting attention from me, so you never even say thank you. You never show any appreciation, because you don’t realize how much of my own sanity I have been sacrificing to try to make you happy.

I’m not ignorant. I understand that you don’t owe me anything. You could walk away at any moment and be justified in your actions. I don’t deserve your love, just because I have been nice to you. That’s not the way kindness works. That’s not the problem.

The problem is that you get mad at me when I take hours to answer your texts or tell you I’m too busy to meet up with you — even though you have been doing worse to me. You are a hypocrite. You are allowed to treat me like shit, but when I ignore you for half a second, you act like I have stabbed you in the back. You act like I am some horrible person.

It’s unfair to expect me to reach standards you can’t even reach yourself. We should both be putting in effort. We should both be playing our part.

I’m not going to keep putting in effort when you never do the same. Why should I continue making you my first priority when you repeatedly treat me like a second choice? Why should I give you respect when you never give me any in return? Why should I be the only one of us trying?

I don’t need you to make me the center of your universe, especially when we aren’t an official item yet. It’s okay if you get swamped with work and take a while to answer my messages. It’s okay if you need a weekend with your friends instead of having another date night with me.

But if I’m going to give you room to breathe, then you should return the favor. You can’t blame me for ignoring you for a few hours when you ignore me for a few days. You can’t blame me for giving you a taste of your own medicine.

Of course, I’m not trying to get back at you. I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m only trying to keep my sanity. It’s stressful being the one who cares more. The one who bends over backwards. The one who gives and gives and gives.

I’m not going to put myself through that stress for no reason. If you’re not going to put in any effort, then I’m going to stop trying so hard. I’m not going to go out of my way for you. I’m not going to do anything you wouldn’t do.

You can’t expect me to keep giving you everything when you have given me nothing in return. You can’t think that much of yourself and that little of me. TC mark

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