This Is Me Realizing You Will Never Reach My Standards

Girl with standards
Unsplash / Joey Nicotra

This is me realizing you will never reach my standards. This is me realizing you will never be good enough for me. This is me realizing that I have been settling for far too long.

This is me realizing that there is nothing I can do to change the way you treat me. No matter how much effort I put into our relationship, no matter how much love I pour from my fingertips, you are never going to change. You are never going to become the person I hoped you were.

This is me realizing you are always going to act this way. You are always going to make promises you cannot keep. You are always going to offer meaningless apologies. You are always going to make the same mistakes again and again because you have no desire to change. 

This is me realizing that I have run out of chances to give you. I have already done so much for you. I have given you space. I have given you time to mature. I have given you every little piece of my heart. I have given you everything and you have given me the minimum in return.

This is me realizing that walking away from you is the best thing I can do for myself. I cannot feel guilty for leaving you behind, because it is not my fault. You have left me with no other choice. I am not going to let myself be walked over. I am not going to let myself be given half of what I deserve. More than that, I am not going to forgive you for your repeated mistakes when I know you aren’t even sorry for them. I am not going to let you take advantage of my soft heart

This is me realizing that I need to put myself first. I cannot sacrifice my own mental health in order to take care of you. You have been hurting me beyond repair. You have been making my life harder than it has to be. There is no excuse for your behavior. Drinking isn’t an excuse. Having low self-esteem isn’t an excuse. Having leftover baggage from your past isn’t an excuse. Nothing justifies the way you have been treating me.

This is me accepting that the end of our love story is not my fault. I cannot blame myself for the decline. I cannot wonder whether I did something wrong, whether I could have done something more to make you happier, to convince you to change. I cannot question myself. There is no point in it.

This is me realizing that loving you does not mean I am meant to be with you. It does not mean that you are my forever. It does not mean that you have earned a place in my life.

This is me realizing that you belong in my past. This is me realizing that it is time to say goodbye. This is me realizing that I cannot keep you in my universe for a second longer. TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

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